Dan Chasing Time: December 2010

1. A BOLD FRESH PIECE OF HUMANITY by Bill O'Reilly

I have to wonder if Bill O'Reilly is human considering the offhanded way he cannibalizes the humanity of his guests. I enjoy eating a piece of steak or a piece of candy but I think I'll pass on a piece of Bill O'Reilly's fresh humanity. It's sad that you have to claim you have something as basic and essential as humanity. It makes me wonder.

2. LIFE by Keith Richards

He's got his rock n roll fantasy, stacks of money, he's on the road all the time, probably no family to tell him when he's full of himself, he's high so often he needs regular blood transfusions...he's about as insulated from life as you can be without being dead or crazy. Maybe much of that's in the past and he's discovered something that's been lurking on the edge of his consciousness all this time and it's life.

3. KARDASHIAN KONFIDENTIAL by Kim Kardashian

Selling a book to the public when you're so young with "Konfidential" in the title? Obviously privacy and confidences have no chance with these ladies. Behold - reality stretched thin as Graphene. No one thought life could exist in this form. Get your own sheet of "reality" star graphene here.

4. ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST by Tucker Max

A book about an Asshole (his term of self description) named Tucker Max that's supposed to be funny. But it's not funny when there are so many "assholes" who want control without responsibility of everything from congress on down. How can something so ubiquitous and painful be funny? He could have titled his book SPLINTERS IN YOUR FINGERS or DIOXIN IN YOUR WATER and it would not have detracted from how "funny" this book appears to be.

5. MEDIUM RAW: A BLOODY VALENTINE TO THE WORLD OF FOOD AND THE PEOPLE WHO COOK by Anthony Bourdain

Maybe this started as a poem Anthony Bourdain wrote sitting in a quaint exotic restaurant after eating too much steak and drinking one too many bottles of wine. The next morning he looked at the thing and thought, "Hmmmm. Not a very good poem but maybe I could use it as a book title!" I like his show but am not surprised he would come up with a title sounding so long and important.

6. YOU HAD ME AT WOOF; HOW DOGS TAUGHT ME THE SECRETS OF HAPPINESS by Julie Klam

As I write this my dogs are in the backyard barking at something; probably squirrels. Nothing gets them more excited except my neighbor's lawnmower going back and forth - back and forth - on the other side of the fence. Arf Arf Arf Arf!

7. BLINK: THE POWER OF THINKING WITHOUT THINKING by Malcolm Gladwell

...and understand everything! That's probably what got us in this financial crisis in the first place. The person who invented derivatives based on credit default swaps, claims to understand them, says they make sense for our economy, used this method to evaluate them. Didn't understand that last overly long sentence? Try the power of blinking! Duh. Didn't you read the title?

8. THE ART OF NON-CONFORMITY; SET YOUR OWN RULES, LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT, AND CHANGE THE WORLD by Chris Guillebeau

...and shoot lightning bolts out of your arse. Sounds like it was written by someone who is bi-polar during a manic phase. I'm sure of it.

9. WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING; AN EX-FBI AGENT'S GUIDE TO SPEED-READING PEOPLE by Joe Navarro

Probably will be purchased by poker players who want to determine if their opponents are bluffing. They will continue losing their money but enjoy the "advantage" of believing they're smarter than everyone at the table.

10. MOJO: HOW TO GET IT, HOW TO KEEP IT, HOW TO GET IT BACK IF YOU LOSE IT by Marshall Goldsmith

The subtitle reads, "I'm the author who will really teach you how to shoot lightning bolts from your arse! The other guy is an impostor and his ideas are ridiculous and unworkable."

11. MIND PERFORMANCE HACKS; TIPS; TOOLS FOR OVERCLOCKING YOUR BRAIN by Ron Hale-Evans

Maybe these kinds of books are popular because many feel success in the electronic information age is beyond what they're really capable of, and need a special trick to keep up. If so, it's a sad commentary. People who believe this are the same people who will line up to have computer chips implanted in their brains.

12. EAT THAT FROG!: 21 GREAT WAYS TO STOP PROCRASTINATING AND GET MORE DONE IN LESS TIME by Brian Tracy

This author must have known about my list and made a ridiculous title to be added here! By the way, my wife loves frogs and is not opposed to eating them; their legs anyway. She's a Mississippi country girl. What do you expect?

Disclaimer - I have not read any of these books and I don't know any of the authors personally. These are just my impressions based on their titles I personally consider silly.